My Little Oasis - A New Chapter

Indeed. The most difficult things in life are the most rewarding ones. It is only recently that i have more reasons to believe that life is not easy at all, or should I say that as we grow older, life becomes tougher. Things are getting more and more complicated.

On work: I am handling most of the stuffs here in office now. And I can really say that I am facing challenges every single day. I start receiving phone calls from clients as early as 6 in the morning, and most of them are complains about why our delivery hasn't arrived on agreed time yet. The I have to call the office and ask why the delivery has not left the warehouse yet, only to find out that there's something wrong with the truck, or there isn't enough stock or the driver isn't coming in today. Darn... I am awaken by angry customers most of the day.

This isn't over until mid day where I have to start calling other clients to as for their purchase orders. A never ending haggle on price, payment terms, delivery dates, etc etc begins! One's mind has to be sharp enough not to be overpowered by over demanding clients. :)

Later in the afternoon, I have to start checking for receivables and make sure that all effort will not be put to waste and all collections must be received on time.

On Friends: I miss my friends... I miss having co-workers, I miss working in the central business district, I miss wearing corporate attires, I miss eating lunch somewhere else, I miss the formal environment.

Thet called a couple of days back asking if I can join for a coffee on Friday night. Unfortunately, I can't coz I have something else on the calendar that day. I'm watching a movie with "Anne Hathaway".

A couple of more days back, I tried calling Cindy whom I wish I can also meet up while I was down in Chinatown. She tends to forget that she has Sun Cellular and never answered my calls. Hayyyy.... :)

On Love: As of the moment, things are going on smoothly between me and Mr. Prim-and-Proper (whom Gelai calls "Anne Hathaway", she said they have the same huge smile). On my personal side, I'm still trying to get a good grasp of Mr Prim and Proper's point of view.  How he sees me, how he sees Us, how he sees things... in other words, we are still in the early stage of getting-to-know-each-other-MORE.

A friend once told me that before settling down / before marriage, a girl should use her head, be as sharp and wise as possible towards choosing her other half. But she should close one of her eyes after the marriage. She must learn to be soooo patient, forgiving, and support her husband under all circumstance. It literally means through sickeness and in health, for richer or poorer.

Yes, I am using my mind, thinking over me and Mr. Prim and Proper's situation. I hate myself sometimes for over thinking, for being paranoid. The right balance is so darn important. I constantly need to seek refuge from my friends after listening to what my mom, aunt and other people of older generation has to say, to inject some point-of-view from people of my age.

I guess it's different this time around. I am scared. Scared that I'm not good enough for him, scared that things might not go well between us, scared that his parents won't accept me (considering that his dad is a devout buddhist) because we were both born in the year of dog, scared that I might not be able meet his expectations, just scared of a lot of stuffs.

It's tough, but this is why I am saying that "the most difficult things in life are the most rewarding ones". Hope that we can pass all these test of fate, and Lord, please let me settle down, once and for all because I am tired of wandering in the world of singles! :)

On Life: It is a combination of all aspects of my life that I can't find the right path yet. Hope that I'll be able to be on the right track and get settled already!!!

Haiiii.... It has really been a while since i last posted something about what's going on with my life here. Well, things have been both good and bad. Fair share...

There are just too much that are happening that i decided not to write them down one by one. Well, maybe little by little. Today is a good day. I'm not sure about tomorrow, but i've decided to embrace the good things today and we'll see what happens tomorrow.

I have learned a lot, and I'm learning new things almost everyday. I guess this is really a sign of "ageing"... haiiii, once again.

On Work: Things are good, i guess positive. I'm getting a better hang of it. Not really a pro yet on running the whole show, but getting there. A little bit more hard work will be worth it. I'm really grateful for all the opportunities that life has given me (though I must admit, there were so much headaches and discouragements, but I'm still hangin' in here")

On Love: Not empty, yet a bit complicated. I'm won't be expecting too much from "Mr. Prim and Proper" this time around, but things are going on smoothly, as of the moment. Learned from my experience with "Mr. Angel-turned-Devil". But I'm feeling suffocated by "Mr. Farmer" even after telling him that there won't be "us"... Oh no.... Entertaining "Mr. Autoparts" once in a while... malay mo... But I really wanna put my bet on Mr. Prim and Proper. Help me God!

On Family: This are going on great.... still as usual. Still some arguments with Mom most of the time. (I guess these are all friendly arguments, no harm intended). Dad is doing great, looking healthy, waiting for blood exam results. (fingers crossed, hope things will all be well). Shobe is also great... she's looking forward to college. Just wrapped up their prom, she really enjoyed it!

On Friends: Really really really grateful that they are all there. They are really an essential part of my life! Thank you guys! Besides my parents, there won't be me without you guys! :) Muah!

On Life: still looking forward to get settled! but taking it slow... :P

After a couple of months of mental and emotional torture from Mr. Angel (or should I change it to Mr. Demon now), I have finally decided to start working on letting go. I guess the song “Art of Letting Go” applies to me now.  I’m still hoping that things will get better but I know it’s quite not possible. This is the only time in my life when I still care about that person who I am so aware that doesn’t even care about me, is it my Karma?

I keep asking myself why am I wasting my time caring for a person who doesn’t even care about me??? Now, is it because my pride? My ego? Or my hear t that is still hanging on? I couldn’t even count how many times I’ve told myself that a person like that doesn’t deserve my care, he’s not even good enough… maybe it takes time… yeah… it take time…

I’m jotting down my random thoughts… how sweet of him to say “Let’s go to antipolo together”, “Let’s cooks our favourite dishes together”… all these are pieces of s#!t now… it won’t happen anyway.

I need another person who will divert all my attention away from this “demon”. The more I think, the more I’m beginning to hate him.

Oh Cristine, please bear with yourself for a while… just hang in there… (that’s all I can say to myself every single day).

It has been a while since my last update about Mr. Angel. It has literally been a rollercoaster ride, with the ups and downs, twirls and twines, twists and turns with him.

Just a few weeks ago, I couldn't help but finally ask him if "we are heading somewhere". It was an big OUCH!!!!! when he told me that he's still in and out of relationship with his almost-seven-years girlfriend. That bastard shouldn't have agreed to go on a blind date that Uncle Ben has set up for us in the very first place! Moreover, he even came up with an excuse that it does not necessarily have to go "that way" even when it was a set-up date and Uncle Ben even told him that we will only be introduced as friends... Grrrrrrrr! how lame the excuse can be! And take note, we had this conversation over a landline.

He texted me right after we hung up the phone saying hope I'll understand what he's trying to say. I replied as if it was nothing to me with so much pain, anger and bitterness inside. I told him that I'm cool with it and even thanked him for being "honest".

A few days after  without any contact, he texted me again saying that he's feeling better, over his Ex! To be really honest, I really don't know what am I doing right now. We agreed to be friends, which I don't know how coz it annoys me when he texts me just to tell me he's feeling and doing better in getting over his ex, about the pain that he's feeling... damn! then don't he think that it also hurts me to hear all that?!

On the hind sight, I'm unconsiously taking a tiny revenge over him... I talk to him whenever he contacts me and yet I'm making him feel unimportant... and intentionally tells him how am I doing in search of my perfect man. Darn! I don't know what for... I'm loosing control of my "so-rational" mind.

It's All Saint's Day... and I'm home, no where to go, can't stop thinking about things and it's swallowing up my sanity. I hate this feeling... I can't stand it anymore, all mixed up. This is seriously a mental and emotional torture. I'm not even able to write down things that have happened between me and "him" for the past few days because it has literally been a roller coaster ride.

I'm stuck here to where I stand. Uncertain of his intentions, actions and emotions. All I ask is a little clarity so that I'll know where to put myself. I am in a battlefield where I don't know my enemy, what weapon to use, who my allies are, or is there a sense to fight at all!

I'm so eager to text him but i just can't because I need to hold on to my pride just in case I need to retrieve. Here i go again, the "rational" me just hope that I can be irrational sometimes. But i can just imagine the outcome if i'd do that. I won't be able to face the reality afterwards.

Argh...It's consuming all my energy... and it's not good. I don't need it. I need inspiration... not a monster that will just consume all my energy, make me so weak, so uncertain, and so unfocused. In other words, I'M SO LOST!

I'm beginning to wonder, did i ever do something so bad to be punished this way? All i ask is a man whom i can stand by for the rest of my life, be that great woman behind that great man, have the courage to fight and defend because he's there. I don't think that is too much to ask... is it? Especially when i have made my choice between "being a great woman behind that great man" and "a superwoman on my own". I have given up my corporate dreams, dreams that i know i can achieve if i'd stick to it. But no, i have consciously, willingly and whole-heartedly given it all up.

Bottomline, I hope there'd be clarity to where this is all heading. I don't have much time to play and experiment around. I only have a few to spare.

I texted him today with the excuse that a potential supplier I met in the China Fair emailed me. I was hoping to start a conversation about suppliers with "him". So, here's my text: "Hi! Lunch na?" and until now, here's the reply - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - not a single letter. Isn't it wierd??? One day he'll text me and we'll have some chat, the next I'll text him just to say hi and no reply... and seriously, this roller coaster ride is driving me crazy! I wanna know what's on his mind!!!!!!!!!!! =c

It has been more than a week since I've written something in my blog. I've been out of the country for the same duration. Combined work and fun... Went to China to attend some trade shows, went to Hong Kong for a couple of days to visit our dear friend Acha, went to Macau for the sake of it. The trip was super fun overall. Come to think of it, it is the first time that I went out of country with Cindy and the three of us, including Acha outside the country.

I left for China last Tuesday... left without receiving any text message from Angel. I was a little disappointed. Same thing on Wednesday until Thursday, someone suddenly sent me a text while I was chasing after taxi cabs to go back to the hotel. I was super happy. Well, as expected, he didn't know that I was not in the country, so i told him that i am in China attending a trade fair and intentionally told him that there are lots of motorcycle suppliers there to which he begged me to get some brochures, business cards and catalogues related to that.

Luckily, I was anticipating that he'll contact me again so i went to the motorcycle section a day before, because if not i won't have time to go back to the huge trade show complex with the fact that I'm leaving for Hong Kong early the following morning. =)

I felt relieved that he texted me. At least there is some progress going on. I'm still unsure because he rarely contacts me. Maybe he's too busy, maybe he's also unsure, maybe he's scared, etc etc... there can be thousands of maybe's and i can't figure out which is which. Only time can tell.

Why am i so mesmerized with this guy? Well, of all the guys that were introduced to me til date, he's the one that has the same wave length (to some extent since we haven't had a serious and long conversation yet, which I'm really really really looking forward to...), I admire his determination to build his own empire, live by his own means, his "bad boy" side in front of others yet lets me see his soft side, and not to mention, he's cute!!! ;p

I just wish that things can move faster... hehehe... the rest, i'll leave it to fate.

Super mixed emotions. That's how I'm feeling right now. It's been days since I and Angel have met. He's not in the usual pattern, guys who are interested would have called within 3 days at most... It's been almost a week and i still haven't heard from him.

Can't imagine how devastated i was just a few days ago after the thing with "that person" has been finalized. Thank God for my Charlie's Angel who saved me from my woes.

Just yesterday, I was introduced to a potential guy again over lunch. He's my Charlie's Angel. Thanks to his presence, the pain i felt last week was put aside. I'm not sure for how long, but i definitely hope it's gonna be put aside forever. Among all the guys that were introduced to me til-date, he's the only one that "jived" with me. I'm not sure yet. But i think he's the type of guy I'm looking for. Of course not perfect, but I can take the weaknesses, just as I acknowledge mine.

How we met? Thanks to ever-masipag Uncle Ben who, despite it's sunday, came to our house for collection. Yes, the date was arranged on Sunday noon. So Uncle Ben picked me up at around 10.30 am (lunch daw ang arrangement and 10.30am palang sinundo na ako ni Uncle Ben...) and I went all the way with Uncle to San Pedro Laguna (Yes, I'm all dressed up) for another collection before going straight to our lunch. Lusaw na make-up ko by the time na makarating ako dun. Good thing I managed to do a little re-touch while Uncle was talking to his client in the car.

Hmm...How shall I describe him... may be next time... I'm too kilig to describe him right now.. Bwahahaha... I'm not even sure if he likes me too though... coz today is Monday and I still haven't heard from him again. Ito na ang pinaka mahabang Monday sa buhay ko.. hehe...

Really thanks to My Charlie's Angel, I'm not sad anymore... I won't be... I'm not sure yet... baka ayaw din nya sa akin, so another heartache nanaman ito. *Sigh*